Love Comes First: Building Connections Through Travel with Parent Coach Sara Cole

Family travel • Parenting tips • Roadschooling

Family adventures are filled with possibility—new places, shared discoveries, and chances to grow closer. But they can also test patience and resilience. 

In this heartfelt conversation, I’m joined by my longtime friend Sara Cole, a certified parent coach with over 20 years of experience supporting families. Sara and her family spent 400 days roadschooling across the United States, weaving together education, adventure, and deep connection. She shares stories of travel challenges turned into growth moments, insights from her coaching work with adoptive families, and practical tips any of us can use to strengthen relationships on the road and at home.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to turn travel challenges into opportunities for connection.
• Why pacing and slowing down matters for family well-being on long trips.
• Strategies for balancing together time, couple time, and solo time while traveling.
• Practical ways parents can care for themselves to better support their kids.
• How the Junior Ranger program and other educational travel tools build engagement.
• Why setting realistic expectations before a big trip can reduce stress and increase joy.

This Week’s Small Step to Enhance Your Next Trip

Take a few minutes to sit down as a family and ask: What would you love to see, do, or learn on our next trip? Including your kids’ voices early will spark excitement and create a sense of shared ownership in the adventure.

Reflection

“Love comes first. Everything else is secondary and tentative.” – Hugh and Gayle Prather
How might our travels, and our lives, change if we keep this at the forefront of our interactions?

Connect with Sara Cole

Sara Cole is a certified parent coach, Neufeld Institute Course Facilitator, and HeartMath Certified Mentor. She's trained with experts like Holly Van Gulden and Dr. Dan Siegel, and served as an Attachment Parenting International Leader for many years. As a coach, she helps parents cultivate deeper connections with their children. Sara specializes in supporting adoptive families. 

• Website: saracoleparentcoach.com
• Free Guide: Collect Your Kids Guide 
• Newsletter: Parenting tips and reflections

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Transcript

Introduction to Parent Coach Sara Cole

[00:00:00] Erica: Today I am excited to welcome Sarah Cole to the show. Sarah is a certified parent coach and educator who shared a year road schooling across the United States with her family. As a parent of kids both adopted and born into her family, she has over 20 years of experience supporting parents and specializes in working with adoptive families.

Sarah is a certified parent coach, a Neufeld Institute Certified Course Facilitator, and a HeartMath Certified Mentor. She's trained with experts like Holly Van Gulden and Dr. Dan Siegel, and served as an Attachment Parenting International Leader for many years.

 Sarah, welcome to the show.

[00:00:42] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Thank you, I'm happy to be here.

[00:00:43] Erica: I am especially grateful to have you because, I know that one of the greatest hopes for many people who travel is to deepen the relationships with the people they're traveling with especially parents, right?

And so it's a real gift to have you here today to share some of your amazing stories and your wonderful advice with our listeners. 

You’re such a wonderful friend and we've known each other for probably 15 years, and I have always admired you as a person and as a mom and as a parent coach, and your travel stories are so inspiring. Thank you. 

[00:01:20] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: thank you. It's very sweet to hear you. Say all that and I have been admiring and enjoying you all this time too.

Early Inspirations for Travel

[00:01:28] Erica: Thanks. I would love to hear a little bit about how you got started traveling and then how that eventually led into the year that your family shared road schooling across the United States.

[00:01:40] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Okay. Um, I, how I, got started traveling. I think it's funny, I have a really high novelty seeking drive

I love new things of all sorts. So I can remember being a little kid and my dad would go to the gas station. I'd be like, oh, can I go to the gas station with you? Or the post office? And then when I was a little older, he would sometimes go to like, see an accident site for a client um, for a deposition. And I. have to be 

[00:02:08] Erica: Okay.

[00:02:08] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: to go to random, teeny tiny town in Montana. 'cause I'd never been there before. Right? Um, and then in high school, my dad,said, Hey, do you want to drive up to Red Lodge and have some dinner? Um. it was like, I don't know, an hour and a half drive. But then we were just a little ways from Yellowstone Park and he's like, Hey, do you want to drive over to Yellowstone Park? And, and, turned out to be, I. Just the first time I had seen a spontaneous road trip. So we went to dinner, but then we ended up in Yellowstone Park and then we stayed at the Old Faithful Lodge

[00:02:41] Erica: Wow.

[00:02:42] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: that sparked something for me.

[00:02:45] Erica: I love that. That is, um, what sparked it for you there in Montana and then how did that turn into it being such an important part of, your approach to parenting and education?

[00:02:57] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Well,my grandmother traveled a lot as a child. Her father was Lieutenant Governor of the Philippines. So she was a big fan of travel. She encouraged me to read books about people all over the world. encouraged me to do a year abroad So did that. Started traveling around Europe and seeing things like how irresistible in my, the very beginning of my twenties, right? To all 

[00:03:29] Erica: Yeah.

[00:03:30] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I was there right after the Berlin Wall fell. I have a little piece of the Berlin wall.

[00:03:36] Erica:

[00:03:36] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: that my imagination and showed me, oh. People all over the world are still people and they still want the same things for their life that I want. so when my husband and I got married, and he has also traveled a lot internationally, more than I have We wanted to travel and I said, well, let's travel the US some more because it's an enormous country.

It's bigger than Europe, right? so one day we quit our jobs and bought an RV and um, decided to travel around the country for six months. Uh, turned into nine months. And when we got home, I cried for a month because I didn't want to stay home home but on that trip crawling around like in Revolutionary War Battlefields and Civil War Battlefields. And one day we were both like, oh, is what our teachers were trying to tell us about

[00:04:41] Erica: Yeah.

[00:04:42] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: like Valley Forge and how cold it was. And they marched and marched and marched and they didn't have shoes. And my eyes sort of opened to the complexities of history and absolute drive of those people who were standing for what they believed in. Um, I think it was when I was trying to calculate how far our fuel of gas would go in our Chevy pickup, pulling our heavy trailer in truly vicious headwinds in, in New Mexico where I was like, oh, math matters. Math is important. Um, and, somewhere along that trip, he and I are both like. Homeschooling is cool and immersive learning is amazing, and if we have kids someday, let's do this.

Roadschooling Across the United States

[00:05:31] Erica: wow. So it was a seed planted long before.

Ah, I love it. And then can you bring us up in time a little bit to when you actually did get to do that with your kids?

[00:05:43] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Um, our son had turned 13actually. And our daughter was 11. Um, and one day she said, I, I, wish we could just camp all day, every day. And, and the light went off. And my head, I'm like, oh. The moment. Um, I went to my husband and I said, she said this, we could do this.

And we worked with the financial coach to make sure that the money part of it would work out.

[00:06:09] Erica: Yeah.

[00:06:10] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: so he set up talks. Along the way. and our road trip followed some of what he and I wanted to see. Each of the kids had things they wanted to see, and then his speaking schedule as well.

[00:06:24] Erica: it was a tremendous thing to witness as a friend of your family. And it's just such an inspiring story. You guys really made it work on so many different levels and I can't wait to get into some of those stories

Parent Coaching

But I also wanted to know if you could tell us just a little bit about your background as a coach and how you help families, primarily parents in adoptive families?

[00:06:47] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: So have a degree in French language and literature. Which, leads to not much in the professional world. And I was pregnant with my son, I realized I wanted to parent really differently than I was parented. Um, and was asking friends who had children a little bit older, who I admired as parents and admired their relationship with their kids.

I said, how do I, how do you do 

[00:07:10] Erica: Yeah.

[00:07:11] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: and they'd known me for a long time and one of them said, so, Sara there's this, there's this, thing called attachment and you are going to need to learn about it. so I started reading um, and studying a lot about attachment uh, and human human development that I could be the parent our son needed. And then when our daughter joined our family through adoption, I had this moment when she was about three weeks old. Oh, this is a whole different thing. I'm parenting a child who wasn't born to me has. It was clear even at three weeks that she had experienced enormous loss and was experiencing grief. and I saw that I needed to know more um, so that I could show up for her as the parent she needed. so I did a lot more learning. I. Wanted to be around other parents who shared the values I shared and people who could model doing this thing that I hadn't really ever seen before. And being this kind of parent I wanted to be. So I ended up joining, an attachment parenting chapter here in Seattle. And at some point I became one of the elder parents and took on leadership there. I. Which is very sweet and I'm still really good friends with a lot of people from that community.

[00:08:27] Erica: How wonderful.

[00:08:28] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: them so deeply. At some point in the course of being a leader for that, my husband came to me and said, so you're spending a lot of time talking to people for free on the phone. Do you think maybe your skills might have some monetary value? Which is when I looked into coaching.

[00:08:50] Erica: I am not surprised. You're a very empathetic person. And how wise to turn that into coaching because you have so much valuable advice. Yeah. That, that is quite a story, and now you've been doing it for so long

Parenting can be challenging if somebody's coming into a coaching relationship. People are feeling vulnerable and you have such a kind and gentle and supportive way about you that I am sure you've really, helped them feel safe enough to explore those deeper challenges and fears so that they can become the kind of parents they really want to be.

[00:09:26] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Thank you. Thank you.

[00:09:29] Erica: Yeah.

[00:09:29] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I'm not doing this because I'm perfect and I know everything.

have good 

[00:09:33] Erica: No 

[00:09:34] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: to share because I've done it all wrong,

[00:09:37] Erica: exactly,

because we've made plenty of mistakes then I think a lot of times coaches are also people who really. Love to research, love to learn, it's such a time consuming process to sort through all of that and then to think about it in a way that's going to be be applicable to each person.

And so you probably are saving people a lot of time and energy by being able to help tailor, that massive amount of information that's out there for parents into something people can use in their particular family.

Parenting Through Travel Challenges

 But now you've had this amazing background in travel, both international and with your kids, and then also this rich background in parent education and coaching.

I'm sure you've had some pretty amazing learning experiences while you've been traveling as a family. Is there a story you could share with us that. Could tell us a little bit more about something you learned about yourself or maybe about yourself as a parent.

[00:10:35] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I would love to. Um, the story that comes to mind was on our road trip with our kids and we were our way to Memphis to go to Graceland. we had been. In Alabama and um, had needed to change a tire on our trailer. And it, the nice person at the RV park gave us a pneumatic drill to use. So we're amateurs, over we the, the, tire, um, which means that about half an hour outside of Memphis, I was driving along on the road and these guys in this pickup pulled up. They were driving alongside and yelling and pointing and yelling and pointing. So I rolled down my window a little bit and they're like, your tire just came off. So I pulled over um, and we stopped along the side of the road in Memphis where the highway goes really fast and we stopped. and indeed we had lost one of our trailer tires.Um, so it was stressful. Traffic was moving really fast.

 the roadside was just littered with junk and was filthy and. So Bill and I, our, our stress and alarm was through the roof, right? trying to decide, okay, what do we do? We're pulled over, let's call AAA to get help. They said, get out of the car, move away from the car. Um, and as we were getting the kids out of the car and moving to the side of the road, I noticed how they scared and, and, they just stopped for a minute, like, wait. What do I want for my kids?

[00:12:29] Erica: Yeah.

[00:12:29] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: How do, how do I want this to go down for them? What do I want them to remember a year from now about this moment? Um, and so I shifted from, from this, ah, this, is dangerous and scary to, we've got this handled. I'm a grownup, we're going to be okay.

[00:12:52] Erica: Yeah.

[00:12:53] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: then prompted my husband, Hey, look at the kids.

We need to shift here. Um. we both did like, I don't know how a magic we both shifted and turned it to okay kids, how we've got this handled. AAA is amazing. We knew something like this was to happen, so we'd already paid for this. and then I think, Iwe started like. Notice all the other stuff on the side of the road and wasn't, why is it good of those guys to say something?

They didn't have to say something. Right. We really changed the conversation, until AAA could get there, and I. Uh, and AAA looked at us and they're like, well, we can't, we can't, help you all. we can't help you right now. Um, and so they, we left my husband at the trailer on the side of the road

[00:13:47] Erica: Wow.

[00:13:47] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: took the kids and I, into town and, and the whole time I, I'm going click, click, click, click, click on my phone, right?

And found a nice ish hotel nearby. So. The kids and I were at the hotel, my husband was dealing with the car thing, and, and that hotel moment again became a, okay, how are we going to play this?

[00:14:10] Erica: Yeah.

[00:14:11] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I wanted it to be fun and delightful. We hadn't stayed. We've been sleeping in our trailer, the whole trip.

We hadn't stayed in a hotel or a, a, regular bed. so, I remember playing up the Wow, a real bed! Look, you jump on them and the floor doesn't move, right?

[00:14:29] Erica: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:30] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: so it, we just turned it into a playful thing. And this, maybe this will be the only time on our trip when we stay in a hotel. then that energy was. Contagious. And the kids picked that up and it turned into this funny thing, and they were telling people in the hotel, guess what? The tire came off on our trailer. so that was great. It, it worked out. And the, so the thing I learned about myself was, oh, I, I, knew it was important to pause and choose who I want to be in this moment, but that felt like a whole different level.

[00:15:09] Erica: Right, And you guys decided in that moment. It's a shift. Um,

[00:15:14] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: And

often I feel anxious, I feel alarmed, but I'm not actually in any danger. Right. And that was a moment where, yeah, there, there, was actual real danger.

[00:15:24] Erica: yeah.

[00:15:25] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: how do I calm myself? I. Smooth my nervous system and the parent my kids need.

[00:15:32] Erica: And now when you guys talk about that story, what's the nature of those conversations? Do people look back on it? Fondly or in fear?

[00:15:41] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I'm amazed by how much my kids don't remember about the road

were Uhhuh every day

[00:15:48] Erica: was full. Yeah. 

[00:15:50] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: things get crowded out.

[00:15:52] Erica: Yeah

[00:15:53] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: they remember 

the swimming pool

[00:15:56] Erica: at that hotel,

it is one of the highlights of a hotel for families. It's the pool,

[00:16:05] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Yeah. So, and, and I think it says something that, that they don't actually remember that much about

[00:16:11] Erica: right? 'cause you guys diffused yet deescalated, all that sense of fear. I love that story, and I am guessing that you had done plenty of work beforehand in your own mind and in your relationship so that you guys could make that shift. 

Yeah. Well it was a wonderful thing that you were able to give to your kids in that moment. I remember we were driving one time to Montana and we were on one of the passes in Idaho and it was for Thanksgiving, We hit black ice. It was late at night and we were spinning through highway 90, and I remember turning back to the kids making a similar choice to you and said, Hey everybody, we're going to be in an accident, but it's going to be okay.

We spun for a while. I had enough time to think that and say the sentence, but yeah, that, that gift of being able to kind of separate yourself from the situation enough that you can think about how do I want my kids to experience what's about to happen? And it's something that could be traumatic and very scary.

So I love that you guys did that. 

Solo Travel Now

[00:17:28] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Can I just add a little here?

[00:17:28] Erica: Yeah, sure.

[00:17:31] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: One thing that I have noticed about myself since my kids have gotten big.

They're, both in their twenties. They're not home. They travel by themselves. For years I would travel, I. them on airplanes. We would go to the airport, we'd go through all the things.

Like since Rosie was six months old, we used to travel a ton by plane I never felt nervous. had it all handled. I was taking care of the kids. Um, couple of years, I've done a fair amount of travel by myself, can't get over how nervous I feel about everything

 I don't have to be the courageous leader for anybody else. And so it's just my 

[00:18:17] Erica: Uhhuh.

[00:18:17] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Right? And my brain is not always a reliable friend to travel.

[00:18:23] Erica: I actually also get to work with people who are doing solo travel, The difference between caring for other people and being responsible for other people, not just their wellbeing.

You know, food and making sure everybody gets to have the activities, but also what you're talking about, like the emotional wellbeing, the psychological wellbeing. How are we going to frame this situation in a way that's going to going to help this be the best experience for them? When it's just traveling solo, it's a completely different thing that's happening in our heads and how healthy it is for us to get, to have that experience.

Like, I know you just took a solo trip last week and, um, got to enjoy some of your own passions and what a different experience that is 

Parenting as a Journey

[00:19:05] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I know that you have talked about parenting being a journey and how that kind of ties into travel, but also ties into, you know, this really intentional approach To parenting Do you want to talk a little bit with us about how you see parenting as a journey and any parallels to travel?

Sure, So. First of all, I think life is a journey, right? It's just an adventure from here to there and, and how are we going to get there? 

Parenting I think is a more specific journey. Well, we have this fantasy that, that we're going to get our kids when they're little and then when they're 18, they're going to launch off into the world, which is truly a fantasy, right? They won't meet us anymore. They'll fly away. Um. And, and like a journey. Parenting has stages,

[00:19:56] Erica: Mm-hmm.

[00:19:57] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: And so I talk with my clients about, about, needing a roadmap, essentially. Where are you and where do you want to be?

[00:20:08] Erica: That's a great analogy.

[00:20:09] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I talked with somebody today, they've got a, an 8-year-old. And so what does it mean to have an 8-year-old? Where are you when you have an 8-year-old? And, And, where do, where do, they want to go with her? How do they want 

[00:20:22] Erica: Mm-hmm.

[00:20:22] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: to a healthy, mostly independent, mostly happy functioning adulthood and, and do they want to get themselves there? Um, so there's, that part of the journey. But, in the shorter term, like how do you get through having an 8-year-old? I talked to them last year, old when they had a 7-year-old. And seven year olds are a whole trip in and of themselves. Like

[00:20:46] Erica: indeed.

[00:20:47] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: is, nobody likes me, everybody hates me.

I'm going to the Garden to eat some worms. Right? And so, so they needed a plan for how to have a 7-year-old and they called me like, do we need a plan for how to have an 8-year-old? Like less of a plan, but let's talk about it. 

[00:21:03] Erica: So seeing parenting as a journey and having some kind of a roadmap, it's a great parallel.

[00:21:09] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Yeah. Yeah. then just the day to day too, like what is on the forecast for today? Okay. Last nightwas up late. We went to a play. It was awesome. It was fun. Oreverybody's sick. Today is not going to be the day I. To hop into car and try to get eight hours of driving out,

[00:21:26] Erica: Yeah.

[00:21:27] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: had a day on a road trip where we woke up, turned on the radio, and there was a tornado warning, like, ah, today's not the day to get on the road. Today is the day to go hide out in the cinder block bathrooms. And so what

[00:21:41] Erica: Right.

Hmm. Really tuning in to the family and adjusting as you're going. That's probably one of the things you really help parents do.

[00:21:53] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Reading our capacity. What, What, can I do today? If, if I've had a rough week, how can I, in integrity show up and not ask too much of myself? Um, because when we ask too much of ourselves, we either burn out for the long run or we're kind of snippy and awful with our kids 

Self-Care & Family Connection on the Road

[00:22:11] Erica: Yeah.with the resources that you have on your site, I really appreciate that. One of the things you emphasize in building connections with our kids and nurturing those relationships, a big part of it is self-care and tuning into ourselves. And just like you were talking about, you know, is today a day That we need to be in the cinder block space or is today a day that we can be out and be big in the world? Uh, what are some of the suggestions that you give to parents that maybe parents who are, uh, even on the road, what they can they use to kind of regroup or nurture themselves so that they've got the capacity to support their kids?

[00:22:52] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: this doesn't sound snide, a good night's sleep.

[00:22:56] Erica: That's actually great advice.

[00:22:58] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: is great advice. It is hard to accomplish, especially when kids are little. kids are little. they have a lot of needs and they, but I found it really hard when my kids were teens too

they would be out late and then they would come home ready to share about their days and themselves and have these big philosophical conversations,

[00:23:17] Erica: at 10:30 at night when you're ready to be asleep.

[00:23:20] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: at 10 30 at night and like. I was not willing to give up those moments to get sleep earlier, but then I had to be a grownup and wake up in the morning and run the day. Right. So I found that I was pretty sleep deprived for a lot 15 

years 

[00:23:37] Erica: And that does, make being a present parent, or an intentional parent, more challenging when we are sleep deprived. So for, parents who are wanting to come from this centered space, do you have any tips, besides being well rested or tips to be well rested?

[00:23:56] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Good sleep, good nutrition. I think good friendship is

[00:24:02] Erica: Mm-hmm.

[00:24:03] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: need safe places to go and vent

our 

[00:24:07] Erica: Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:08] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: take our insecurities about our parenting, to take our frustrations so that we can be heard. And once we move those feelings um, and do some problem solving, we can show up much better for our kids.

[00:24:23] Erica: Yeah. I find sometimes just articulating what the challenges are, whether it's related to parenting or travel, just having a safe place to air What our concerns are, what our fears are, what the challenges are, and if it's a safe enough place, then you can be creative with it once you've articulated it right, and you can bounce ideas around to find solutions or to hear that you're not the only one dealing with, I mean there are so many parallels between parenting and traveling.

So, if a parent were traveling and. Wanting to be able to bring this on the road with them. Do you have any suggestions? 

[00:25:02] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: if I could go back and give earlier me permission for one thing on, on a lot of these trips, not just the one big

but 

[00:25:10] Erica: Yeah. 

[00:25:10] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: traveled to Ecuador, something I would've given myself permission to do would be to carve out more space for myself

[00:25:19] Erica: I love that. That's very good, Sarah.

[00:25:22] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I was so focused on what do I want and. For my kids and what do they need, and so focused on my relationship with them I didn't give myself space to rest and play for myself, that I think would've been beneficial for everybody.

[00:25:42] Erica: Yeah. Yeah. And the then. That allows the parent to come back in with that. I mean, just like taking a solo trip or having a date night or something like that can kind of fill your reservoir, nourish you so that you have more and that you're getting to also have those travel experiences personally and for yourself, in addition to having it be a family experience.

That's great advice.

[00:26:09] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: big things like a solo trip, but sometimes they can just be little things like, okay, we're going to go to the public library in this town and you kids are going to go hang out in the children's section and I'm going to go get an adult graphic novel and sit over here in the corner and read by myself

Navigating Togetherness & Alone Time

[00:26:23] Erica: That's very good. you probably had so many. Experiences and opportunities since you guys traveled for such a long time together as a family, to find ways for together time and also solo time or a couple time even. How did you guys navigate some of that?

[00:26:42] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: We navigated it by figuring out the hard way.

[00:26:46] Erica: Like so many things in life? Yeah.

[00:26:48] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: many things in life. Yeah. for a while it was just all four of us together all the

Um,that. was not a recipe for success. And so we did start breaking, it up and like my husband taking one kid and me taking the

not, we were not big into screens for our kids and at some point we're like, okay, we're going to set y'all up with a movie in the trailer and we are going to go have a picnic You know, we

[00:27:17] Erica: So that you could have a little, uh, regrouping time as a couple. 

[00:27:22] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: So that we 

[00:27:22] Erica: Yeah. that was smart. 

[00:27:24] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Yeah, we pretty good at having an early bedtime for them so that we could have evening, more late night time because they were 13 and 11, but so that we could have some

[00:27:37] Erica: Oh, that was smart.

Yeah.

[00:27:40] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: And it when I started really picking up birding,

because it was a thing that had to be quiet and nobody else wanted to be quiet I could go do it quietly by myself.

[00:27:51] Erica: So you were able to find ways to have alone time, time with your husband and time with each child, even in the midst of all being in a trailer, in a confined space, because how many months were you guys on the road?

[00:28:06] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: we were gone for 400 days.

[00:28:10] Erica: Oh my gosh.

[00:28:11] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: We were, we were going to be gone for, it was like, 397 or something. And, it just worked out that way. And Theo was like, that's stupid. That's a stupid number. 400 is a much better number though we stayed at Dashpoint Campground, which is, I don't know, half an hour from our house three nights so that we could make it an even 400

[00:28:35] Erica: Well, I remember seeing you when you guys came back because we got to join you at a campground and that was so exciting and just your whole family seemed like you had gone through this amazing transformation and that you were connected and had all of these unique life experiences together.

was awesome. Yeah. Those are all such great suggestions for families who are traveling on the road and need that time and to really honor and respect that time as an individual or if you're traveling with your partner as a couple, to try to carve out some of that time for ourselves.

Educational Travel & Roadschooling Tips

I know you guys also incorporated a lot of education. Into your trip and like you got to go to so many different historic sites and national parks and museums and things like that. Do you have any suggestions for parents who want to incorporate more educational components into what they're doing when they're enjoying a road trip together?

[00:29:37] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Well um, first, the first, one is do the Junior Ranger program. It's amazing. They're so fun. The Rangers are so passionate about what they do. Um, the books are designed to be interesting and good for all sorts of different styles of learning. Um, and I almost everywhere we went, I got a book too,

[00:29:58] Erica: they're awesome. And such great advice because most of them, like you say, address so many different learning styles and you can pick from what's in the booklet, you usually need to do X number of the total. Um, so you can find what works for you and your family. That's such good advice 

[00:30:15] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: well,

because we went to so many places, we had a lot of, and a lot of them, and it gave the kids a sense of accomplishment look at how much I've done, look at how much I've learned,

so every once in a while they'll flip through one and remember things or mock their younger selves or whatever, but it's a tangible thing to help hold onto 'cause travel is so fleeting, right?

[00:30:40] Erica: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it is. And it's like a great souvenir that isn't necessarily a thing you have to buy. Although those pins and patches are pretty fun.

Finding a Travel Pace for Your Family  and Setting Expectations 

Um, and if you could give us just maybe one more piece of advice about how parents can make the most of a big trip like this. Uh, maybe, you know, how do you recommend finding a pace that works for the family?

[00:31:08] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Oh, that is an excellent question. Uh, first of all, I. That most of us are inclined to go too fast.

our 

society and our culture pushes us to go too fast

[00:31:23] Erica: Yeah.

[00:31:25] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Like when we were in Ecuador, I don't know that we'll go back to Ecuador. And so, so, my husband and I kind of had the urge, well, we have to do all the stuff

never come back. and I have a kid who can kind of do one thing a day, and I've known this about him since he was like six months old. and I have another kid who has to have social interaction every day.

Um, 

[00:31:49] Erica: right.

[00:31:50] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: who could do six or seven things in a day? I. still really working to find that balance of what does everybody need and how do we meet those needs in a way that works for everyone.

I love the, the NVC concept that, um, wants, can be conflicting but needs never actually conflict. Um, sometimes we just have to be really creative in figuring out how to meet those needs. Um.

[00:32:19] Erica: I found the more we slowed down, the better, things went there. There was a, uh,maybe it was two days in, um, upstate New York.

[00:32:29] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: We'd been traveling quite a bit and we were going to actually be in New York. And I knew we just needed to slow

so there weren't very many people in the campground. We claimed two extra picnic tables um, tablecloths on them and got out all of the Lego bins and all of the play mobile bins And we really spent two days just playing Lego and play

[00:32:53] Erica: And just decompressing and tuning into what the kids really needed.

[00:32:57] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Yep. And, and it's fascinating too, like it's essentially play therapy too. Everything we were building, everything they were talking about was a great chance to integrate what was going on, what they learned. Um, and then they were so fueled up that the next like really busy, intense week went really smoothly.

[00:33:18] Erica: That's excellent advice and probably for every family it's going to be different. And sometimes people aren't sure what is a good pace for their family when they're just getting started or they're planning a big trip. and so, you know, granting grace to yourself and grace to your family to figure out what is the.

Pace that's going to work and maybe having an idea at the beginning. A lot of times when I'm working with people, I recommend no more than two major things a day. And if you have little ones, one major thing a day, and then you can have kind of in your back pocket. The nearby restaurants or the nearby parks or whatever it is you might be interested in as a family in case there's energy or in case you want to do those things.

But otherwise that less is definitely more when you're traveling, especially as a family. Super advice.

[00:34:10] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: piece of advice I would give people. It's something that we did and was amazing, was. Before we drove away, like we were all hitched up in front of the house ready to go before we drove away. I turned around the kids and I said, this is going to be an amazing trip. We are going to do incredible things and see incredible things, and there is going to be a day when we all hate each other. When we're all sitting here in our seats screaming at each other and we're either dad or I is going to say, that's it. We're turning around and going home right now and that's just going to be a day and it doesn't mean anything and we're going to get through it and we're going to be okay. Um, and that set the tone for there's going to be fun things and there're going to be hard things and our family's going to be fine.

[00:35:03] Erica: Yeah. That's awesome advice and so helpful to set the stage beforehand and let everybody know. We are doing something amazing, but we're also stepping into something most people don't do or something that's going to inherently be stressful. There will be more challenges than there are if we just stayed home and stuck to our regular routine.

And that's okay. And we are going to get through it and to expect it in advance makes it less stressful or you know, scary to a child or something like that when you know. this is part of the plan and it's okay.

[00:35:40] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Yeah, and, and I think it's set my kids up to savor the misadventure as much as the adventure.

[00:35:47] Erica: right. I'm sure they have some great stories now that they can share.

[00:35:51] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: A few too many great stories maybe, but they do have great stories.

Parenting Resources & Sara’s Work as a Parent Coach

[00:35:55] Erica: Sarah, you have shared so many great, tips and advice with us, and I know for listeners that, they can go to your website, which will link below so that they can read a lot of the great articles that you have. But I know you also have, some other resources that you offer people, and I found your Collect Your Kids Guide to be super helpful.

Could you share a little bit with us about what that is and how people could get a copy for themselves?

[00:36:23] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Sure Collect Your Kids Guide is the little guide that I put together because I found that I was every single parent I ever talked to about it. Um, and I wanted to make it more widely available without everybody having to talk to me in person. based on um, a concept Dr. Gordon Newfield, um, that is about, getting your kids' eyes and smile and nod. Um, that they are attached and connected to you as a parent. Our, you know, our kids get distracted. They're, my son was always in the Legos, but also they can be in the screens. They can be, I was a daydreamer, I'm sure. I was just lost in my daydreams a lot. And so when we get our kids eyes, so they're looking at us and then their smile so that they're connected to us and they're nod.

So they've got kind of a yes in them. Um. All of the cooperation we need comes easier. All the connection we want with them comes easier. Um, and in the guide I have ideas for how to do some longer term things, but really it can be a five second way to just get connected with your kids. And we use that a ton on the road.

[00:37:32] Erica: Yeah, because when we are traveling kids are so out of their element that they might have a hard time responding to all of the needs that you have, and you're going to have more needs when you're traveling. I need you to. be ready to go at this time and then we have to go from here to here.

And it's a lot of transitions. And I think that the advice that you offer in that guide really makes it heart-centered and focused on the connection that we are trying to build, which for many of us is like, one of the main reasons we travel with our family is to build that connection. And so if we are finding conflict.

While we're moving through our days on a trip, it's got super advice for turning all of those into opportunities to really connect and have it be a smooth or more peaceful experience. So that's a wonderful, wonderful resource. And it's linked in the show notes below so people can. get a copy for themselves.

And then you also offer an incredibly in-depth and highly personalized coaching program. Could you tell us a little bit about what you do when you're working with parents?

[00:38:41] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Sure. So I have. Classes that I offer sometimes, sometimes I offer just single session like, like these parents that called and they're like, I have an 8-year-old. What do I need to know about having an

Right.

[00:38:53] Erica: Right? 

[00:38:53] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: a parent call, we're thinking about changing schools. What do, how do we need to think about that?

Or my kid hit another kid on the playground. Help me figure this out. How do I talk to the kid? How do I talk to the other kid's parents? How do I talk to the school? Um. then I offer an in-depth program helping parents. And this is the whole parenting journey thing. Again, helping them understand where their kid is at, giving them a real sense of where they're going, what does true maturation look like?

[00:39:25] Erica: Yes.

[00:39:25] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: how to get from here where we are. To there where we want to be and, in that we cover attachment. Where is your kid at right

[00:39:36] Erica: Mm.

[00:39:36] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: What does true maturation look like? I have two different sources of information to talk about what we're really looking for in a mature adult. and then we do a whole lot of coaching about how do I get from here to there? How do I get my kid from. know, 5-year-old on the floor screaming to 18-year-old who is driving and ready to graduate

[00:40:05] Erica: Yeah.

[00:40:06] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: or take a job or an internship or go on a gap year.

[00:40:10] Erica: One of the things I so appreciate about your approach to parenting and how you support people is that you are. helping people really be in the moment. And be fully present to themselves, to their kids, but also this awareness that we are raising people who are eventually going to become adults and be you know, living a life that in many ways is separate from us and how can we make decisions that are going to be fostering that future version of our child also.

And, um, the focus on, you know, not just. getting them to do a particular thing, but helping them to cultivate those skills that they'll carry with them for the rest of their lifetime. So I, I love that about your approach.

[00:41:00] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Thank you. you.

I'm 

[00:41:01] Erica: Yeah.

[00:41:01] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I'm that. That is really what I'm trying to hold

This Week’s Small Step to Enhance Your Next Trip

[00:41:04] Erica: You've given us so much inspiration for our own travels, and so for anybody who's considering, taking a family trip like you guys did, do you have one simple tip people could implement this week?

[00:41:18] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I, I, think the simple step to get started, um, that I love to see people do is just sit down as a family and talk about what you want. What would be fun? I. What would be cool? What are you, What are you curious about? We, and we ended up seeing so many decommissioned battleships because we had a kid who was interested in those and we spent a week at the, um, a rescue, an animal rescue center, because we asked our kids what they wanted and they started talking about those things.

[00:41:52] Erica: That's, that's fabulous advice. And I am sure starting off that way this week, just having that conversation, the first of many of those conversations will lead to the kinds of trips that you've been able to share with us today. So thanks. That's super advice. 

Sara Cole’s Reflection on Travel

And then Sarah, we like to give our listeners a reflection on travel, or in this case family travel that they can dive into deeper on their own after the show.

Do you have a favorite quote that you'd like to share with us?

[00:42:23] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: My very favorite quote, and I use it as my life motto and my parenting motto is, “love comes first, everything else is secondary and tentative.” that's from a book by Hugh and Gayle Prather. I.

[00:42:37] Erica: I love that quote. And it pretty much encapsulates everything that you've been talking about and sharing with us today. So thank you. I know we have some listeners who are going to want to learn more about you and your parent coaching. Where can they find you and follow along with what you do?

[00:42:55] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: Check out my website, which is saracoleparentcoach.com have a newsletter you can sign up for. It goes out a

[00:43:04] Erica: And it's great. Yeah.

[00:43:05] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: I. Share all sorts of tips and techniques and reflections on there. Um, and you can also sign up for a strategy session if you want to call and chat for 45 minutes about what's going on with your family.

Um, and, And, we can talk about how I can best support you. You are welcome to do that too.

[00:43:27] Erica: That's fabulous. Thank you so much Sarah, and thank you for sharing your stories and your insights and your wisdom with us today. I know I got a lot out of it and I'm sure our listeners did too. Thank you.

[00:43:39] Sara Cole, Parent Coach: always so fun to talk to you. Thank you for having me here and, and sharing this conversation with me.

[00:43:44] Erica: It was definitely my pleasure.